I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
