I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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