Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
