I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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