He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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