Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
