He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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