last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
