I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
