fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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