I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
