I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
