Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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