I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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