speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
