I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
