i just google imaged poop.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
