She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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