I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
