All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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