Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Randomize
