I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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