I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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