I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
