i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My dick has a subreddit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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