We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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