and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
