It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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