If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
