You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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