He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
