I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
