The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
