All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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