I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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