wanna go halves on a baby?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize