my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
