Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
