I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
