I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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