I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
