2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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