Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We have started to decorate penises.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
