Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
