You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
