we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
