Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
