one two three fourrrrnication!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
