So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
