i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
