my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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